Happy Anniversary (to me).

It has been one whole year since the cancer debacle. 


I don't have cancer, nor do I mean to make light of the disease in any way. 


This is the one year anniversary of being told that I AM a cancer. Those words still sting. They were told to me by someone I trusted and respected. I was told that I was the only one with any issues and that I was welcome to leave if I couldn't get with The Program. 


I was devastated. I came home crying the Ugly Cry and continued crying for about two days. I had never been spoken to like that EVER. I replayed the conversation in my head incessantly for days. My husband was invaluable and unwavering in his support of me. Our school counselor acted on my behalf as well. My teammates comforted me and if it weren't for them I might have quit my job mid-year.


I can't believe it's been a year already. I hoped I'd be 'over it' by now. I guess I am, but then again it affects me daily. 


After The Talk I sought help through a career counselor online. I truly thought I must be in the wrong career if, after 12 years,  I was comparable to a dreaded life-threatening disease. She was amazing and helped me see that although I didn't want to make my unhappiness about The One Who Shall Not Be Named....in the end it was. My husband helped me with that epiphany too. His suggestion? "Why don't you just transfer?" Hello??? How simple it sounded! 


After digesting the idea of a transfer and all the ways it would impact our family, I went for it. Fate has a way of helping things along and 2 weeks before school started I found myself at a very different school. I love it. My children love it. I have great teammates and a fantastically supportive and fun-loving principal. I'd never have found this new home if it hadn't been for The Talk.


Perhaps sometimes we have to be kicked from the nest in order to learn to fly?? I didn't enjoy the kick, but the flying is magnificent.

Why I was a Crappy Friend

As I drove home from attending two days of an education technology conference, I reflected on my time spent with friends this week. I worked at the registration table each morning and it was a joy to see so many friends - old and new - pass by. 

Last year was a hard year for me. I'd lost my teaching mojo. Despite the fact that I was working with my three bestest teaching pals and despite the fact that I have the world's best husband, I could barely get myself together to really enjoy my job at all. These fantastically understanding people kept me afloat, but just barely.

You see, I had a hole in my heart. And it was a big one. No matter how much love the people around me put into it, the leak was always faster. Oprah frequently talked about the Universe sending messages which would gradually get louder (and more painful) until acknowledged....I totally believe this now. I ignored the small messages over the last couple years and the Universe came a knockin' with its full force this year. Ultimately, it is my fault that I allowed this hole to grow (to form at all!)...but through this experience I have grown.

Flashforward to this week - I had lunch with a bestest teammate that I taught with at another school a few years ago and we discovered that we'd had similar experiences this year. I ended up buying her lunch and apologizing to her for being a crappy friend this year. Then it hit me...I wasn't ABLE to be a good friend to anyone this year (family included). She and I were both afloat on a sea of depression...paddling separately, barely keeping our chins out of the water. Neither of us was aware of the severity of the other's struggle - we'd only exchanged calls a couple times this year. I guess that should have been a sign for us both. When friends drop off your radar, you should probably check on them. This is a skill I'm working on.

Nothing cements my belief in teamwork more than my experiences this year. I was lost. My team held my hand and bolstered me every step of the way. They listened, encouraged, and dragged me along even when I wasn't being a good sport. I don't think I can ever repay them for walking through it with me.

With the start of a new school year fast approaching I find that my 'well' is once again full. I've been working with an awesome career counselor (I actually questioned my choice of careers this year!!) and she has helped me rediscover myself. I didn't need a new career - I needed to uncover the root cause of my dissatisfaction with my job and also how to keep my 'idea monkey' brain challenged. I uncovered truths about my situation, set goals, the planets aligned, I took the bull by the horns....etc., etc.!

Although I am sad that I will not be working with any of my previous bestest teammates this year, I am looking forward to finding bestest teammates at my new school. I know they're there....they are everywhere and I have mojo to share once again.