Teachers, Believe in each other, plz!

I woke up before my alarm this morning (thanks to flappy dachshund ears). Instead of working out I decided to catch up on my dvr'd Oprah. I watched the Life Class she co-hosted with Iyanla Vanzant. The topic was "Terrible Things Women Do to Each Other" - a fantastic episode that was way too short, in my opinion.

It stirred up a brief series of tweets this morning as I thought about the ways in which teachers tear each other down. 

The four main ways in which women treat each other badly as outlined by Iyanla are:

1. Lying
2. Betrayal
3. Gossip
4. Competition

Any bells ringing for anyone already? They were for me. Working in a school with mostly other women it is easy to fall into these behaviors. It is not as easy to avoid them. Specifically gossip. 

How Iyanla Defines Gossip:

Gossip is when you have a malice of intent or mindless, third-party conversation to someone about someone, something you haven't said to that someone. 

As a fourth/fifth grade teacher for 12 of my 14 years I've had plenty of opportunities to gossip about the teachers before me with regards to my students' struggles. It's easy to make blanket statements about what we perceive is going on in other classrooms. Usually something along the lines of...."Well, you know they don't do diddly-squat in x grade EVER" or "They're fine in x grade, but then when they get to so-and-so's class nothing happens". I've made those statements. Did I attend classes with those struggling students?? No. Did I bother to talk to "last year's" teacher?? No.

Last year I had the amazing luck to teach 1st grade. At first I didn't see how this was lucky because I've always told people "there is NO WAY I'd teach any grade below 3rd!". The one year I spent in 1st grade completely changed my perspective on what goes on in those primary grade classrooms. 

First of all, 1st grade teachers do NOT sit down. Ever. From the moment the first student walks in in the morning until you walk them to their buses in the afternoon you are on. the. move. (A corollary to this law is that 1st grade teachers also do not check their e-mails during the day.)

Second, in my experience at a predominantly Hispanic Title I school, the performance levels of the students are VASTLY different. In upper elementary I had students that ranged from 2nd grade reading level all the way to 8th+, but they could all at least READ a little. It's different when you're faced with students who don't know their letters, numbers, or colors lumped in with students who were already reading and ready to move on to short chapter books. 

I felt guilty all last year because of my inexperience with 1st graders. I'm seasoned enough to know that I wasn't getting it 'quite right', but I persisted. My teammates were a huge support and willingly shared everything they had. And yet...most of the year I felt like a failure. 

And then, this year, I got bumped back to the Land of the Familiar. Fifth grade. Oh how I love this age group. I know them. I have loads of experience with them. I'm in my groove. 

But still, I see those kids I had last year. Every day. I think of them. I think of what I couldn't do for them...despite everything that I DID do for them. I've begged forgiveness of the second grade teachers. I'm sorry they don't have giant, thick folders of documented interventions and monitoring because they should. Honest to goodness I worked with those kids. 

It finally hit me as to why I didn't have those gloriously thick folders with beautiful paperwork. My Tier I instruction included just about every intervention that I could imagine to provide. Whole class. Small groups. One-on-one. Extended time. Extra everything. Floods of books on their levels. Physical breaks. Music. Preferential seating. Elkonin boxes. Phonics. Experiential learning. Pencil and paper. Art. Movement. Manipulatives. Flash cards. 

No wonder I was exhausted all the time. 

My point is...I hope that my peers won't tear me down. I hope that they understand that the lack of a paper trail does not equate a lack of interventions and work. I hope they show me the kind of understanding that I have failed to show my peers in the past.

The reality is that they will...or someone will...eventually question what I did all year. I've been that teacher. I've been the 4th grade teacher sifting through a file and tsk-ing over how previous teachers "didn't do anything to help this kid!". 

But now I know better. Thanks to my first graders. I know that sometimes teachers do everything they can to help. I know that teachers eat, sleep, and breathe for their students even if they don't write it down. Now I know why gossip is so horrible in the school building...I don't want to be the target of the maliciousness. 

As teachers we need to stand up for one another. Believe in each other and know that we're doing the best we can...even if there isn't a paper trail.

Unstuck Poem Inspired by Whitman

I am excited to participate in Teachers Write virtual writing camp hosted by author Kate Messner. If you haven't heard about it, check it out! Join in!


Today's Quick Write is an exercise in getting unstuck. Out of the two options, I chose to grab a book to thumb through and let it spark a little writing. I'm still not sold on using an e-reader for everything, but I grabbed mine for this exercise. One of the first books I downloaded is Walt Whitman's Leaves of Grass. I opened it and went directly to my favorite part, a section that we dissected in our college American Literature class. 


Lines that stick with me...

• 'And now it seems to me the beautiful uncut hair of graves.'
• 'Growing among black folks as among white, Kanuck, Tuckahoe, Congressman, Cuff, I give them the same, I receive them the same.'
• 'Only the lull I like, the hum of your valved voice.'
• 'I loafe and invite my soul, I lean and loafe at my ease observing a spear of summer grass.'

My 'Unstuck' Poem Inspired by Whitman's Leaves of Grass



'The hum of your valved voice' Whitman once wrote, 
'I loafe and invite my soul'...


And I do.


My head rests on your chest. 
I loaf.
I listen to your heart, your breathing, your deep voice.


I invite your soul. 
'I witness and wait'. 


Breathing in time with one another. 
Loafing and laying and waiting for the other
to make a move, 
to get up and start the day,
to begin the busy-ness of life,
but we don't. 


Enjoying the company of another, 
just being
not one, not the other, but both all at once.


'Stop this day and night with me and you shall possess the origin of all poems.'


Enjoying nothingness which is everything.
Inviting the soul
'For every atom belonging to me as good belongs to you.'

'Controversial' topic - breastfeeding!

I have no idea why this is at all controversial actually. Humans are animals. Animals have babies. Babies must be fed. Conveniently, animals are well-equipped for such endeavors.


With my first pregnancy I expected to breastfeed my son for a few months at most. I didn't have a firm cut-off date, but I never imagined being one of 'those'  moms who nursed a toddler. 17 months later...I decided the time had come to wean my son. Yes, he had teeth. Yes, he was eating real foods and drinking water. Yes, he could walk up and raise my shirt when he wanted to nurse. Whatever - it worked for us. 


When I returned to work after Baby 1 it was January and I  had a few months of teaching left so I pumped daily. He was never given formula except for a couple days after birth when the hospital convinced us he needed more because he'd lost a few ounces. Once I threw out the nursing schedule and keeping track of which side and for how many minutes he plumped right up. 

Me nursing Maggie shortly after coming home
from the hospital. See? No boobage!

My son nursed all. the. time. There were days when I thought I might as well just lay on the couch with my boob out. The boy never took a pacifier - I was the paci. He spit up a lot too! No wonder - he would nurse forever and be completely full, hence projectile spit up! We didn't put him on drugs for reflux, it never occurred to us. 


For Baby 2, I knew I'd nurse for however long she wanted. However, we got off to a very rocky start. With my son, it seemed that he just knew how to nurse and got down to business. For my daughter, it was difficult. I remember vividly sitting up in bed with her latched on and crying because she was hurting me so badly. My nipples cracked and bled. My breasts would get so full that letdown was forceful and would spray the poor girl in her face. Thankfully, I had a great resource in my doula and her tips guided me towards successful, painless nursing. (My daughter didn't latch on properly - I had to coach her to get her mouth opened wide enough to get a painless latch.) 


If I had not already successfully nursed my son for son long, I would have given up on my daughter. The pain is indescribable. I had her in August so I had months of pumping at work ahead of me, but I did it for her. I weaned her at 19 months. Again, she had teeth, could actually speak, and was eating regular foods. She would have continued longer I'm certain (so would my son), but for me it was time to call it quits. 


Best advice I can give new mothers and even 2nd and 3rd time around moms? Get help! Find someone who will support you. If the hospital cannot help you do not despair! The nurses and lactation consultants were useless when it came to breastfeeding at both hospitals I delivered at. My doula/birthing educator was my life-saver. Also I found a great La Leche League group nearby that was a huge support - it was the first place I ventured to after Baby 1. There isn't much that could be more supportive than nursing your baby among other women who are also nursing. 

Hubby Lee raking leaves
with Baby Maggie in the sling!

Having a sling for baby-wearing was also a life-saver. I nursed both of my kids everywhere - including while grocery shopping and eating out at restaurants. I rarely used a blanket to cover up because it was hot and I couldn't see what baby was doing. Also, as I learned at a La Leche League meeting, if you unbutton your shirt from the bottom up it makes a natural 'shield'. Frankly, I hated the idea of people being able to see my lovehandles, the baby always blocked the view of my breasts. 


Another thing to consider that many people (including me) immediately poo-poo is to allow your babies to sleep with you. When mothers and fathers complain about not getting any sleep when their kids were babies I feel sorry for them. Because both our babies slept with us, no one had to get up in the middle of the night to fetch a hungry/wet baby. Because I nursed, no one had to get up and make bottles in the middle of the night. It was so easy. 


We did get a co-sleeper bed that attached to the side of our bed when our second child was born, but she was within easy arm's reach. Also, our first-born slept on a crib mattress on our bedroom floor when baby 2 came along so we never had both kids in bed routinely. Ultimately we got a king sized bed and got rid of the co-sleeper. When I weaned our daughter we moved both kids into their own queen sized bed in their own room. They are 5 and 8 years old now and still choose to sleep together although they have their own rooms and beds. 


Did we have sleepless nights when the kids were babies? Sure...there were a few. But the vast majority of our nights were peaceful and uninterrupted. Generally if a baby wasn't sleeping well it was because they were teething or sick - which was thankfully rare. Did babies spit-up, poop, pee in our bed? Yep. But we quickly learned to keep a waterproof pad under where the baby slept. 


Overall you have to make decisions based on your needs and the needs of everyone in your family. Do what makes sense to you. Sometimes the easy choice is the best choice. Find someone you trust and ask questions. It isn't always easy, but this too shall pass. 


I make no bones about being open about my 'granola girl' choices - I'm happy to answer questions and talk about birth and breastfeeding. Good luck to all my preggo friends! I'm here for you!!


See my post from 6/23/11 on VBACs for Maggie's birth story.